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Too many books - too much fanfiction - too little time

Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I (Special Forces, #2 part 1) - Aleksandr Voinov,  Marquesate,  Vashtan

The first book left me angry..

This 2nd book has left me sad.. And on the verge of giving up.. Just.. Give these two guys up.. Cause I don’t think I have the strength to go on feeling like this, when reading a book..

I should really divide this book up in two half’s..

The first half made me want to punch someone.. Well, it made me want to punch Dan, and just shake him up while screaming “WTF is wrong with you!!!!!” The first book made me love Dan, like no other.. He had me from the first hello.. I fucking loved him.. And in this book he just broke my heart.. Completely and in a 1000 pieces..

I can’t do a normal review of these books.. I’ve tried to just go with what its about, but I can’t do it.. These books are so fucking intense, its hard to do a “normal” review.. For me at least..

These books are so fucking hard to read for me, and I don’t know why.. I don’t know why I end up lifting a pillow to my face, screaming into it, because I’m just so stressed out and angry and just fucking exhausted with these two guys..

I wrote in my review of the first book that they had broken me down.. And I would laugh at that if I wasn’t on the verge of crying again (I’ll get back to the crying btw) because if I thought the 1st book had broken me, I don’t know what to call what I’m feeling right now.. And I say this with them back together!!

As I said, the first half of the book made me angry.. They were finally back together, or at least in the same country, and they just couldn’t get it right.. They fought, ignored and fought some more.. And it may not sound as much.. But fuck!! It was exhausting to witness.. And that’s kinda the problems with these two, no? We have to sit there and be witnesses to all this shit that Dan and Vadim do and say.. And good God its hard.. Just so fucking hard..

The second part of this book?? Shit.. Well.. Let me just say that I’ve found out that its actually possible to read a book while tears are racing down your cheeks and you can’t control them..

I didn’t do anything but cry, and cry and then cried some more. And this was when they were back together!!!

Now you’re probably thinking.. Oh, so it was happy tears for the happy couple? Fuck no!

I hate ‘sharing’.. I can’t fucking stand it in any book.. I hate when a person tells someone they love them, and the next second have sex with someone else.. I hate Dan for doing that, for bringing it into his and Vadim’s relationship.. I hate Jean more than anything.. Back the fuck off!

The entire 2nd half of the book was like having to sit in the first row and watch the one you love most in the world, your true soul mate, the freaking yin to your yang, have sex with every single person that comes their way..
And you couldn’t look away, you had to just sit there and watch the person you love most, fuck everyone else.. That’s what I felt..

I cried for Vadim.. Cried for him having to “live with” Dan screwing Jean next door.. I know with the way it ended, I shouldn’t really feel bad for him, but I just can’t stand sharing, and I’m glad that they are happy, but me? I’m not happy! Not even fucking close to being happy! I don’t want them to be with anyone else. I don’t want to have to sit and watch and be witness to Dan kissing another guy passionately, because how can you say there are no feelings there Dan? Huh? How the fuck can you say that!! Of course there is, and you’re a fucking prick and I hate you so much right now..

Yes, I know my personal feelings about ‘sharing’ is playing a major part in this, but I don’t care.. I don’t like it, and I don’t like Dan… right now..

My problem now is this: I don’t think I can sit through another two books with Dan screwing any one and anything.. I just can’t do it.. It breaks my heart in so many ways I can’t even begin to explain why..

The weird thing is.. Yes, I don’t like ‘sharing’ in books, but I’ve read a lot of books with that subject, and it has never been this big a thing, this big a problem for me before.. I think its about who does the sharing and with whom.. I don’t know.. I just know that Dan is breaking my heart, and that I just want these two to be together with no other men.. Be as kinky as you want, but please just no more other men! Please Dan, I can’t take it anymore.. I’m fucking cried out already!

I was at a loss about rating this book.. My initial thought was to give it a -100 stars.. But then I thought about the first book.. And how this did the same for me.. It made me cry, it made me scream, it made me cry, it made me stay up late every night, it made me cry, it made me feel.. And even though it mostly made me feel sad (sad doesnt even cover it) and angry, I still cant give it less than 5 stars..