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Too many books - too much fanfiction - too little time

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks - Adam Carolla I don’t really want to write a real review, but I’m sure you know of Adam Carolla if you’re reading this, so you know what you’re getting yourself into. If not let me give you some insight to some of his thoughts:

About kids in Africa:

“So why is it that kids who are severely malnourished and basically have the immune system of a rat at an AIDS hospice aren’t allergic to Peanuts?”

About pre-K:

“I just had an idea. If you have a special-needs child going to a kindergarten for children with disabilities, it should be referred to as Special K. The parents will get a kick out if it, and let’s face it, the kid could be in his thirties and he wouldn’t know what the fuck you were laughing at.”

About herpes medication:

“Whenever I see a herpes commercial I always think, Poor actress. People in snuff film are making fun of you.”

About Public Service Announcements:

“Hopefully your town has not degenerated to this point, but half the municipal vehicles, garbage trucks, cop cars, and so on in Los Angeles have a bumper sticker that reads STOP SENIOR ABUSE. […] Does this bumper sticker actually stop anyone from abusing a senior? “I was on the way to Shady Acres to beat the shit out of Nana, got caught behind a street sweeper, and really did some soul-searching. Took a long look in the rearview mirror and didn’t like what I saw starring back at me.” Obviously this bumper sticker doesn’t prevent senior abuse. I bet if anything, it reminds people to abuse seniors. “Jesus, that’s right, it’s been almost a month since Grandpa’s felt the cold sting of his own slipper across his weathered face.”

There’s a chapter called:

“Motherfucking Nature”

I just really liked that.. Poetry, you know?

About Dolphins (I could easily write the whole part, but you’ll get this as a taste):

If there are any single guys reading this and you’re trying to get laid when you’re on the first date and the chick asks you. “What do you do for a living?” say, “I work with special-needs dolphins.”

About Madonna:

“No guy wants to be with a chick who has arms like a junkie on a crew team.”

There’s another chapter called:

“God, Religious tolerance and other shit that doesn’t exist..”

Some of this shit is actually true, though. Points for that.

About gay sex:

“If you show a girl two dudes going at it, you’ll get a light “Ew.”.

Umm.. o_O


“And it can’t get more damming than this: Every straight woman would rather watch two chicks going at it than gay porn. “

Oh, the innocence…

Let me end with a perfect example from this book..

About back-up beepers:

And have these beepers prevented one kid from being crushed by a FedEx truck? And even if they did, who cares? So what if a couple of kids get run over each year? It’s a small price to pay. That’s just Darwin driving the truck, taking out the trash. If your kid thinks it’s a good idea to play with his Legos behind a steamroller, we don’t need him and you don’t either. He’s just gonna end up crashing on your couch, eating you crap, and flunking out of junior college.”

Some very funny parts, a lot of non-funny parts.

2 stars.